Amanda and Spock: If you only walk long enough
by AmandaG96
Summary: Amanda reminisces about her time as a teacher, and her own experiences with bullying. Amanda helps Spock after a hard day of school. I hope you enjoy. As always constructive criticism is welcome, just don't be mean. Live long and prosper!


*Hello everyone, this story is kind of personal. A lot of it is based on my own personal experience as a teacher and having a learning disability. I would LOVE creative criticism on this story as I worked particularly really hard on this one. Again, as mentioned, please be nice*

* * *

The day dragged, no, not because of council, but because of paperwork. The learning center called again about Spock, he was getting better, and he was no longer in danger of having to repeat the years lessons. I must admit, I scoffed when the person on the other end of the phone suggested it.

After hours of working on the paperwork, I turned my attention to Spock's 'homework'. It was the plot of the previous chapter; his homework was to write it down. While the plot was in a blank sheet of paper at the end of the chapter, he had written notes throughout the chapter, which I skimmed and commented. Memories seemed to flood back as I marked the backward spelled words, and the wrongly worded sentences, to a not so happy time in my life.

I was six when the teachers discovered my learning disability. I couldn't comprehend reading, math, or science, I would understand it while it was being taught but once the rest came weeks, almost a month later…. It wasn't there anymore, regardless of how many hours I spent studying the night before. On the exam, words would be backwards, numbers would be wrong; facts would be wrongly dated and worded. I couldn't fit in the system, like my son. The children were relentless, I can still hear the painful words from my young colleagues growing up, and even worse from the teachers. 'She will never be a teacher; she can't even comprehend a paragraph about Edison' said one. 'she told me yesterday she wanted to be a Nurse. HA! She couldn't even remember 3 things about Blood Cells, how will she remember what patients she went to throughout a shift?' said another. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push the memories out of my head. The feeling of stupidity felt foreign over the years, now, I remembered the feeling. It got easier as I got older, and by the time I reached University. I had found a balance.

I had met Sarek just a year after becoming a certified teacher. I had left Earth not long after, and as you can imagine, stopped teaching. It had been a long time since and it surprised me how even after all these years how quickly the training came back. The teaching training that is, but it was fuzzy, believe me, very fuzzy. I suppose I have my little children to thank, they helped me find my way.

I had taught young children; I believe they were 4 years old, and yes, way too young to read Alice in Wonderland to. I remembered chasing after them throughout the classroom, kissing the boo boo's, teaching ABC's, 123"s, basic math's, defusing the fights, and making a 'tummy ache' go away with a piece of chocolate (they thought they were so slick). I smiled sadly, getting up from my desk and walking over to the bookcase finding the smaller book crammed between the many big books surrounding it. I pulled out the book, admiring the big green, wired, but slightly cute caterpillar on the cover. It was the first book I ever read to them. I smiled, opening the book to the last page, finding the slightly dusted photo of the six smiling children and me. It was the first and last photo I had taken with them, days before leaving. Please don't think it harsh of me that I didn't say goodbye. They would have wondered where I went, and they would have cried. While Linnea lied and told them she was going on holiday, I couldn't lie to them. I never had, and I never did. I suppose I had my own way of saying goodbye, through "Alice in Wonderland", they were all in a circle, it was my last day teaching, I skipped to Chapter 6 of the picture book and read:

"Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a great deal on where you want to get to" said the Cat

"I don't much care where" said Alice

"then it doesn't matter which way you go" said the Cat

"-so as long as I get somewhere" Alice added an explanation

"Oh, you're sure to do that" said the cat "If you only walk long enough".

While many people have different views on what Alice in Wonderland is about, I saw the book, particularly this passage from the book as inspiration to keep going. I knew they didn't understand what it meant; they were so young. Just the picture of Alice looking at the Cat in the tree made them jump for joy. I could only hope that one day in the future, they read the passage and realise that when if they feel lost, in a Rabbit hole, and don't know which way to go that they will get somewhere, perhaps their dream in life, they just have to keep walking….even if it means walking alone, like Alice fighting the Jabberwocky.

I placed the photo back in the caress of the book, and back into its place in the bookcase. I took my place back at my desk and with a sigh continued editing Spock's homework. As I finished and pushed it to the side, rapid footsteps broke my concentration. While I thought for sure that the reading sessions would be between Spock, and myself. I was quickly reminded that children have their own ways of figuring things out. My husband came into my office saying that Spock has been in yet another fight and he just returned home.

"Oh my goodness" I sighed to myself, getting up, "Is he alright?" I asked as I passed Sarek through the doorway. Rushing down the corridor, I saw a glimpse of the boy before he was ushered away by the nanny, Linnea and another servant.

"He is alright, Lady Amanda". Her voice was calm as she held me back from the boy. I only caught a glimpse of his face and it looked worse than before. His lips were fat, both eyes looked dark and his clothes were reshuffled.

"We will care for Spock". She told me, her hands on my arms.

"This is ridiculous, Linnea. Spock is my son and I want to make sure he is alright"

"Lady Amanda, he does not wish to see you"

_What?_ I froze. We were becoming so close, I thought. He doesn't wish to see me now. It never used to hurt before, but it did now. I felt my husband reassuring hand on my shoulder,

"Amanda, the council requires our presence. We must go soon"

How could I think of leaving Spock like this? What was I supposed to do? He didn't want to see me. Defeating, I nodded.

"Take care of Spock, tell him, that if he me, I will be in my office after we return from council".

She nodded, and with a curtsy went down the corridor to be with Spock.

* * *

Hours later, we returned from council. I was still thinking about Spock. We walked into the house, I handed my cloak and headscarf to the servants and headed upstairs with Sarek.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked, as we walked up the stairs.

"No" I said, "I want to check on Spock. See if he is alright"

"That seems logic of you" he said, "I will be in my office, if you require my assistance".

I nodded, as we reached the top of the stairs and walked down the corridor to Spock's room. I stood in the doorway watching him moving things around. His learning pads, his transmitter, all were going in a box. His room was looking even more bare by the moment.

"Spock" I said gently, "What are you doing?" walking slowly into the room.

He wouldn't look at me, his back towards the door as he moved around the room, putting each thing into the box that was now becoming overfilled.

"Spock" I repeated, this time firmly. "What are you doing?" I walked closer, and bend down behind him, when he didn't respond again, I reached for him arm, and turned him around. His face was swollen, his eyes were black, his lips were swollen, and 2 single tears fell from his eyes.

"Spock" I said again, looking into his eyes "What . are . you doing?"

"I'm destroying them" He spat with anger, his voice raspy from ears.

"Why are you destroying them?" I asked, "You've wanted to go to the Vulcan Academy since you were five"

"They said that I will not excel enough to be admitted" he moved to turn back to the box, but I grabbed his other arm, keeping him still and faced towards me.

"Spock, did your instructors tell you that?" I asked, my voice soft but firm. The last thing I wanted the child to do was explode into tears without telling me what happened.

"No" he said simply.

"Then who told you?" I asked, of course I already knew the answer, how else would he have gotten such a bruised and swollen face? He did not answer, I could feel his little boy shake from the tears. He tried so hard to hold them back, I sighed and got up, and reached for his hand,

"Come with me" I told him, "I have something to show you".

Of course, I wanted to hug him, but I knew he did not want that, I remembered I did not. We walked down the stairs and down the corridor, I smiled passing a servant.

"Would you please bring hot chocolate and a cup of tea to my office, please?" I asked.

He nodded, and we continued down the corridor to my office. I opened the door and walked him over to my desk. I sat down in the chair and pulled him onto my lap. I wiped his tears away, and reached for the Alice book, and placed it in front of him and opened it to the bookmark.

He sat upright on my lap, staring at the words on the page, but he did not read. Perhaps a change of scenery? Maybe he was used to the holographic candle light?

"Candle light" I commanded, watching the dark room now light up with holographic candles, but he still wouldn't read.

"Shall I read, until you're ready?"

He nodded, and as I read the words, his body relaxed, his head rested on my shoulder, and his body stopped shaking with tears as I wrapped my arms around him. Alice had arrived at a tree, and saw a cat, a vanishing cat in the tree.

"Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a great deal on where you want to get to" said the Cat

"I don't much care where" said Alice

"then it doesn't matter which way you go" said the Cat

"-so as long as I get somewhere" Alice added an explanation

"Oh, you're sure to do that" said the cat "If you only walk long enough".

I stopped, looking at Spock, "What does that mean?" I asked him.

"When certain matters are beyond your control, and you wish to not to advance you continue to face them?"

I smiled, "Yes, Spock. Indeed"


End file.
